I've been thinking this for long time ago, considering to write since reading my friends notes in facebook. Its not about dream day passion, or strategic plan, or another new place i wanna go. I dont know what i thought,i guess i had the same feeling with her, when she wrote the same topic. Its still dark-blue shaded and shadowed by fog, don't know the sharp line, its not drawn sharply, cryptic is the word which described it well.
I always think, i love my life. Even its not really smooth as well, full of fall, full of shame, full of scar, but its the most beautiful gift from God. Even i fail another competition plenty times, i do wake up immediately, Spending my time on this path, make my heart stronger and protective, Its like double shield i got here. I proud of this way, feels like i pick the right one. Woman should stronger, they can't be too weak and then become so dependent or spoiled with someone. If they go weaker, many risk will lurk them. Breaking their school because of early pregnancy (The real case happened to my high school friends), drugs, far from their family and friends because of giving to much time to her relationship, get stressed when having problem with her boys, shocked, crying, and another bloody stupid think include begging to their boys to stay. Thats what i'm really concerned of, as the real incident happen beside me. And what i hate is when a girl giving her heart, forced herself to change her own style-her own way, and limited her dream, wasted her time in him while she forget about family, friends, and the most important is, God-The One who should be number one. And sometimes it getting too much if she get stressed, down the bottom rock just because breaking, cage herself with wasted tears, and the world stopped by exactly at that time. What i see is,that kind of girl are empty, no color named passion and grateful.
As i read the articles writted by my junior several times ago, i adore it. I love living my path now, pursue my dream, and living comfortably, giving my extra times to my parents, friends, and they who need a help. Making experience, going alone somewhere, or going somewhere far with my team to learning and bringing my almamater. Its been the way i want to live in, the direction i want to ride. And the most i like is i can share, even just my smile, to them who can't smile properly, newspaper kids, singingbeggar kids, my troubled friends who need an advice, and another share. For now live is about praying, struggling, and sharing all the best i can do.
But, there is a time, when we got tired, its been tough, and tiring, at this kind of times, sometimes there is a thought flashing in, thinking about that, a feeling,a half of wings to reach the sky, shadow when it comes too sunny.It comes like a spring mountain color drawn in the gown. Its beating when seeing Paradise Kiss tonight, and Pianist last year. Its beautiful, and i want to keep it like that;beautiful till the right moment. The sound in the movie,the light, and the times, yes the perfect times. 3 years or 4 years, for one right time someday behind the glowing windows,fluttering curtain, quiet yard.
I think i find the best song to express it, i captured it recently;
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I have been waiting all my life